The ‘Big Girl Party’ that Celebrates Womanhood in Sri Lanka
In Sri Lanka, the Sinhalese people mark a girl’s transition from a girl to a woman with a puberty ceremony, or more commonly called a ‘big girl party.’ Basically, after a daughter’s first period, her family throws a party for her, preparing a scrumptious feast and inviting family and friends who bring gifts for the newly minted woman. There are many rituals leading up to the day of the party, which begins on the first time the girl bleeds. I spoke to Demi and Ruwanthie, two young Sri Lankan women who have generously allowed me to share their stories and photographs.
Demi got her period on Avurudu, which is the Sinhala and Tamil new year in Sri Lanka. That morning, Demi’s mother has asked her and her older sister to collect flowers for Lord Buddha’s altar. While the girls were collecting flowers, Demi told her sister the news, who advised her to tell their mother. Her mother covered Demi in a white sheet and led her to her grandmother’s room and she was to stay there until the time of her special bath.
There are many rules surrounding this period of confinement. There should not be any mirrors in the room, as it is unlucky for a girl to see herself during this time. In Demi’s grandmother’s room, all the mirrors are covered by white cloths. An iron object is typically kept close to the girl, which wards off evil spirits. Under Demi’s pillow was a giraya, an iron tool used to peel areca nuts. This particular one had belonged to Demi’s great-grandmother and still used by the family to this day.
The giraya was kept under Demi’s pillow to ward off evil spirits.
There are also restrictions on a girl’s diet, and she was forbidden to consume fried foods. This was torturous for Demi since she got her first period during the new year celebration when many of her favourite deep-fried sweets were enjoyed. She was crushed that she couldn’t have any. To combat Demi’s menstrual cramps, her grandmother made her thambun hodda, a strong soup that boosts the immune system. She didn’t enjoy the soup much as all she wanted were the sweets that she wasn’t allowed to have.
It is also considered bad luck for a girl to be seen by men before receiving her special bath, and therefore, Demi’s male relatives were kept out of the room while her sister and female cousins accompanied her. Demi’s young male cousins were curious about her condition and questioned why she was kept inside a room during the most festive time of the year. Her family decided it was best to tell the boys that Demi was ill, and this is why they were not allowed to enter her room. The cousins spoke to Demi through her closed door and chattered among themselves.
Demi’s mother needed to consult an astrologer to determine the auspicious day and time for Demi to leave her room to take her special bath and the colour of her first dress as a woman. However, since it was during the new year celebration, it took Demi’s mother a long time to find an astrologer. Instead of meeting with an astrologer close to home, she had found one who lived far away. He stated the best time for Demi to have her special bath is the following morning at 9:07 and she should face north during the bath. Her dress colour ought to be yellow. Usually, the dress would be handmade by her mother or sister but since there wasn’t enough time, her mother purchased a beautiful yellow maxi dress for the party.
The next day, Demi was covered with a new white sheet and led to the front door of the house. Then, it was time for her special bath. The bathing space was created using woven coconut fronds with jackfruit leaves covering the floor. Demi’s mother used a new earthen pot, kalaya, to pour water over her daughter. After the bath, Demi dried herself with a new towel. All her old clothes were thrown away and she wore new undergarments, the new yellow dress, and new shoes. When she was leaving the space, she held the kalaya above her head and dropped it behind her without looking back.
Covered in a white sheet again, Demi returned to the house. Before entering the house as a woman, her mother asked her to look into a bowl of water to see the reflection of her own face—Demi’s first glimpse of herself as a woman. Then, after she drank a glass of water with jasmine blossoms, her mother led Demi inside the house for the festivities. Demi received gold jewellery from her family on that day.
Ruwanthie stated that in some villages, the puberty ceremonies are lavish, and some people consider it more significant than weddings. There are some minor differences in her ceremony. While Demi’s mother bathed her daughter during the ceremony, Ruwanthie, on the other hand, was bathed by a redi nanada, a ‘cloth aunty’ who had been hired to specifically perform the ritual. After her bath, Ruwanthie smashed a coconut on the ground. Then, her mother made a small cut in a jack tree. Ruwanthie watched the white sap drip, which symbolized fertility and purity.
Like Demi, Ruwanthie also received gold jewellery from close relatives.
The gold pendants are Ruwanthie’s prized possessions and only worn on special occasions. Her mother usually keeps them locked away in a safe. Ruwanthie’s favourite piece of jewellery is an old American dollar pendant, which had belonged to her grandmother.
Thank you, Demi and Ruwanthie, for teaching me about the intriguing rituals surrounding the big girl party. Demi is a fashion designer based in Colombo. Her brand, ‘Demi’ is an affordable brand that merges street style and formal wear. Ruwanthie is a fashion and textile designer based in Sri Lanka. Her fashion brand, kæli is a circular fashion brand that focuses on sustainable business-to-business supply chain practices in the apparel industry. She is also the recipient of the Handmade Textile & Materials IDA 2020 and was pre-selected for Green Concept Awards 2021.